Friday, July 3, 2015

How do you know when you're "ready?"

With one of us working as a psychologist, and the other working in radio, I think our perspectives on being "ready" to be parents is somewhat different. I've had this conversation with many partnered friends of ours, trying to figure out when others determined they were ready. It turns out we know several people who had surprise pregnancies, so their situation decided for them! For those of us with the luxury of choosing when to start a family, it sometimes feels like a heavy responsibility to choose the "right" time (knowing that no one seems to ever be 100% for the difficult journey of parenthood).

For me, I wanted to make sure we were ready as a couple to handle the stress and sleepless nights. I'm still not sure I'll ever be ready for the extreme sleep deprivation described by the majority of mom friends I have with newborns. I'm going to just hope that by the end of my maternity leave, the baby will be sleeping for at least 4-hour stretches at night (I can at least dream, right?). Over the last 13 years, we have encountered quite a bit in terms of stress, and I feel confident that we can face things head-on as a team. 

As a future mom-to-be, I also feel it is important to be able to have a patience necessary to deal with things diverging from my set plan significantly. I do think working as a therapist helps with this, as I constantly have to alter my plans for treatment based on constantly changing variables with my clients. While I consider myself a fairly patient person, I was raised by a mother with the patience of a saint -- seriously, cool, calm and collected when it came to anything involving her kids. I hope she will be able to help my continued growth in this area. I'm also working on mindfulness practices to help further enhance this. I'll plan to make a post all about mindfulness in the future, because I think it can benefit anyone (even those of you who aren't planning to have babies and toddlers),

The other major variable I considered important in evaluating my own "readiness" was financial stability. Initially, I considered the possibility of having a child while in graduate school. This ended up being a completely irrational plan because I was required to "work" year-round as an unpaid intern to gain experience as a therapist. Currently our timeline to conceive is completely dependent on my job search. I'm finished with school now and actively job hunting. I anticipate finding a new job in the next month or so.

I'm happy to have this space to share these thoughts. If you'd like, comment about what your thoughts are about being "ready" to conceive and ready to become a parent.

1 comment:

  1. I felt so ready to have a baby, and we didn't have an easy time of it (TTC, losses, etc.), but I think it's great that you're documenting your journey to parenthood through your blog! No matter what though, you'll really never be ready for it... It's a whirlwind once it happens!! My baby girl is almost 8 months old and I'm still trying to come up for air. :)